Secrets

To tell or not to tell … that you’re struggling with infertility. We chose both and this is why. At first, we chose to keep it hush (except for our parents) because we didn’t want or need advice from family and friends, even if it was well intended. We didn’t tell them when we were trying (and didn’t know there was a problem) so why tell them when we needed help. Anyway, that’s what we felt was the best choice for us at the time.

On the contrary, now that we have our beautiful baby Bella we share our story; in part because it is therapeutic but also to help others like us. As I’ve said before, it was helpful to us to know we weren’t alone.

It was shocking to us how different people reacted when we told them we went through IVF to conceive. Those we thought would be critical were incredibly supportive, while others, to our surprise, were not. Some of our family members were hurt that we did not tell them. I think people think that they can help or give advice to help you get pregnant. I just know that my wife and I didn’t want that. It wouldn’t have helped our mental well-being while going through everything that we did. In short, we were very shocked at some reactions.

If given the opportunity to change it, we wouldn’t change it. We did what we needed to get through and we don’t feel the least bit guilty about being selfish in this case.

We’ve met many wonderful people now that we have shared our secret. Some of these people have chosen to tell family and friends about their infertility while others were more like us. It really just depends on how you best handle things. There is no right or wrong way, just your way.